“Yes, It’s a yes“, I typed those words desperately because I know how bad I actually want to say it. Yet I am hesitating before sending it even when I know how delighted he would be, as he would reach the seventh sky knowing how much I actually love him, as he had waited for quite a long time to finally hear those words. However I decide against it and leave him wondering, why do I not love him at all. just the thought of this makes me smile just so lightly with tears hanging in my eyes as I think, “How he would never understand my unconditional love just for him”.
If I love him so much, why leave? why not just confess it? Well I am a realist. I know that we can never have a future, so why give him a moment of happiness that I know won’t last, that I know would be nothing more then a beautiful dream that would end too soon.
Yes It would be like living a hell. I would cry myself to sleep every night. I would search for his face in every crowd I see and realizing it is not him would break me yet another time. And I know he is hurt too. But as it is said, time heals wounds similarly soon this throbbing pain would turn to an ache and then these faces would turn to a memory and by then none of us would be searching for each others faces and none of us would cry over the loss. Yet when we hear the familiar rusted name our hearts would swell with love and ache.
However if his side of the love is true as he says then later in his life when he lays beside the mother of his kids at night whom he loves the most, somewhere in the dark he would see my face smiling at him, and in that moment he would know, how much I actually loved him to leave him as this is what true love is, which provides you with a long term happiness even if it means hurting themselves and letting you go.