Facade or Reality? — August 21, 2015

Facade or Reality?

slipping away. Unnoticed

My checks ache as I have had that smile fixed on my lips from longer then I remember and now I just can’t take it anymore as I can feel this facade peeling off me slowly and gradually and I just cannot be raw before these people who believe they know me like no other. They know what I want them to know and that is, that I am the most jolly person, I don’t get mad and stay pissed at people for too long, I don’t cry for too long. And they all are nothing but wrong.
Therefore I slowly slip away unnoticed not wanting to grasp any attention and race up those stairs, and with every step I take a new tear rolls my cheek, and with every tear another flake comes off and by the time I reach the roof top where I always go whenever I am raw.
Streams of tears roll down by cheeks because I am tired of pretending, I want someone to see past that smile and look deep in those chocolate-colored eyes, deep enough to look past that happiness. Hold me and comforts me and most importantly see the real me and accept me as I am and not run away from me and love me and just love me.
Yet I wear that mast again and head back downstairs as I wipe my tears away, and by the time I reach the last stair I realize that I am smiling, because I am so used to pretending as now it almost comes naturally.

Positive or Negative? — August 18, 2015

Positive or Negative?

Recently I received my O-levels result. But upon seeing the reaction of some of my classmates i decided that something should be said, so here I go!

As you extend your hand to hold the result for which you had been waiting for more than two months. whilst your heart is pounding in your chest your hand touches the crisp paper and your eyes run across it hungrily.
The grades that you see might make your heart swell as you know that what you have worked for you have achieved it, and now you just can’t wait to celebrate and share your result with your loved ones.

But there are people! (which is the most of us). and you feel like you have died in that moment and that the most heaviest thing right now is this crisp hard piece of paper and with it in your hand you are rooted to the spot and it makes you feel light-headed and in that moment for a second your vision goes blurred as well you think it is because of the tears that are no more stinging in your eye but are gliding freely down your cheekbones. And in that minute you trip over your own foot and the person beside you holds your shoulder to keep you steady.

Later on when all of this information sinks in you start blaming yourself, and this is where we all go wrong.
Blaming is not the solution because if you do this how do you succeed in future. This is one result and this cannot decide your future. But this does decide if you want this to carry on or you want to make it any better. There is no weakness is crying if your expectations crash but it also doesn’t means that you keep on doing it all the time. Cry once and then start striving better. Make it a lesson not your fate.

Because after all Life goes on!

Door-mat or a Punching bag? — August 1, 2015

Door-mat or a Punching bag?

The tires cried in pain as I suppressed the brakes with all my force and stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut. Tears stream down my face on the tracks they know very well.

I walk down the step and then my feet touch the soft yet so cold ground which would lead me to the roaring sea. The cruel wind snatch my hair and kept throwing them in my face. My hand still ached like someone was constantly stabbing pins, from when I punched straight into the wall due to the desperate anger.

with the pain came the stinging memories reminding me how I am everyone’s punching bag, how I am the one who cares about others, provides then with what they need yet no one is there to see how upset I am, yet no one bothers asking ‘oh so how was your day?’ They don’t even say a thankyou but instead choose to take out all their frustation on me by shouting at me Insulting me and cursing too. Therefore me being a human being a living person with feelings and a heart decide to lock herself in a room and cry and cry and just cry and when the anger surpasses that I decide to make someone damage not to them but to myself and this is how I always end up getting bruised fists and arms.

With every wave that crashes against the rocks my heart crashes against my ribs and reminds me with each and every nightmare I have lived and the ones that are waiting to be lived.